Crosswords: Special Edition
by PadfootandProngs91
Summary: [Complete] Sirius has been in Azkaban for 12 years. Takes place before and after Fudge comes with the newspaper from POA.
1. Crosswords

_Disclaimer: Everything recognized from the Harry Potter books up to three belongs to J.K. Rowling._

_A/N: A special edition of Crosswords, written about 3 years ago. Enjoy._

SE dictation to: **BlackSnowFalls06 **for her inspiration in the continuation of the original.

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_Guilt. Sadness. Misery. Pain. Heartache. Insanity.__  
_  
Those were the things I felt every time I closed my eyes. Every time I took another breath. Every time I smelt the cold, dead, stale air. I could hear their voices in the back of my mind. I could feel the dementors affecting me slowly...as though I was some play toy they could squeeze when they felt like it. 

I remember everything about them. Right from James's extremely messy hair down to Lily's bright, shinning green eyes. From the look on James's face when I told him about Snape and the Willow and to the smile that formed on Lily's face when I ran into Harry's invisible fence.

But because of me, I'll never see that smile or frown from either of them. I didn't realize what I was doing...I was selfish. I put my best friends lives on the line to save my own. I backed down...when I need to be by their side. And now, I'm alone.

I should've seen it coming though. Peter Pettigrew, always our shadow. Why I ever thought Remus was our betrayer, I'll never know. Remus never would've done that to us, he was too afraid. Of losing us and now we're all gone. What he must think, I'll never know. Never.

I'm sitting here, watching water drops trickle down the stonewall and land on the hard floor. The sound of faint, but echoing splashes bounced of the walls. And I can't help but imagine what would happen if things had gone differently. Harry might have grown up with a proper family. James and Lily, with Remus and I as the closest thing to his uncles, would raise him.

And Peter, maybe Peter would be different. I doubt it, out of all four of us, it's not surprise he was the one to join Voldemort. That doesn't make it better.

I deserve this cell. I killed them. I let them change Secret Keepers...at the last minute. Not knowing what would happen...not knowing that it would change destiny completely..

But what if this was part of death's design? Would something like that really happen to two wonderful, loving parents? Is it not bad enough that Voldemort was around, and death had enough people to last a lifetime? Why, why did it take them? Of all of the people it picked...it choose the most important people to me. It broke the Marauders up...and not even a Time Turner can change that.

Then again, if I had never doubted Remus, everything would be much different. I wouldn't be sitting in this cell...waiting quietly for the dementors to drown me in all the guilt. They'll never get me...even if it means I become weak. I've been imprisoned not only in this cell, but with the thought that Pettigrew is still out there...watching and waiting. Who knows what his next move is.

Cornelius Fudge is walking down the Prison's hall. He has an issue of the Daily Prophet in his hand and the only thing I want more then anything is to finish at least one crossword puzzle...I never could beat James at it. Maybe this once, I would...


	2. Peter Pettigrew

Bloody rat.

He's after Harry, I know it. Sticking with the Weasley with kids all over Hogwarts. But wait...he'll wait, he won't strike unless he has a power to be given to him. Peter is coward but he's not dumb. Not brilliant, but not so stupid he'd do anything under Dumbledore's nose with Voldemort gone.

I'll stop him.

I don't care how crazy that sounds or how mad I must seem. I'll get out of this cell, off this island. Harry doesn't deserve to be betrayed by Pettigrew like James and Lily were. Harry deserves to live, to grow up like normal, like he should. With Pettigrew in the same school, maybe the same dorm, he can't do that.

Because Voldemort will come back, he will.

And when he does, Peter will strike. And if he does, Harry'll die. Why? Because of me, again. I let Peter escape that night. I let myself get blamed, I put Voldemort's accomplice at Hogwarts. Me, no one else.

I have to get out, now. There has to be some way. I stayed sane didn't I? Why shouldn't I be able to get out?

If I have no sadness, they have nothing to take. But no, that can't work. If I'm happy, dementors just steal that. If...if I feel, they feed. If they feed, I'm miserable. If I don't feel...they don't feed. If I feel, what am I? ...Human.

If I don't feel, what am I? ...A creature. One with four legs. That's it, they can't tell the difference. A human is just a human to them, a creature with emotion worn on its sleeve. But a dog, a dog is different. They can't find emotion, therefore are powerless against it.

I will rid Hogwarts of that rat. I promise.

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_A/N: Feedback very much appreciated. _


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